Get Off Your Matt and WALK!
By Nanette M. Bess
By Nanette M. Bess
Mark 2: 8 "Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, "Why are you thinking these things? 9Which is easier: to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up, take your mat and walk'? 10But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins . . . ." He said to the paralytic, 11"I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." 12He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, "We have never seen anything like this!"
We hurried out of church after Sunday School ended. A youth leader of another area church was saying farewell to his congregation that morning and my 13 year old son had participated in many of his youth activities during the past year or so. This man had been an important influence on my son, and since my son wanted to attend that church service instead of our own, I agreed and we headed to town. As I left our church, I explained to a few friends why we were leaving before service. I didn't want anyone to worry about us. I thought I was going for my son, so he could bid his youth leader farewell! Little did I know that God had another plan for me that day.
As I pulled into the parking lot, my son kindly reminded me that a certain lady would probably be in attendance. I casually remarked that it did not matter to me...it was a big church and it was not going to bother me if "she" was in church. Besides, she needed to be in church...it was good she was going to church....she really needed God in her life.....I hoped she was finding deliverance and forgiveness. And, I thought, what were the odds I'd ever see her in that crowd anyway?
We stepped into the sanctuary and looked for a seat. My son pointed to an area behind many of his friends in the center section. There was plenty of room and I sat next to a lady I knew well from my bank. The song service began and I was filled with joy. I really enjoyed the song service at this church. The Youth praise and worship was more contemporary than my home church, so this was an extra special treat with so many wonderful young singers in the praise and worship group. I sang with praise and excitement.
Then it happened. God just thought he'd take full advantage of the moment and force me to step up in my walk of faith. "She" sat right in front of me. Not to the side or even diagonally, but directly in front of me. She did not even give me a glace, but began singing and worshipping with much exuberance. No, she was worshipping with a great deal of flair. No, she was wildly waving her arm right in front of me. No, she was waving her arm and snapping her fingers right under my nose! No, she was swinging her arm right back under my nose and nearly hitting me! I could feel the breeze she was creating as her hand flipped and swung so close to my face I was sure she must have felt my exhalation! She was coming so close to my face that the lady next to me gave me a very wide-eyed look as if she fully expected to see me get popped in the face. She watched as I leaned back several inches to avoid the hand of the lady in front of me. And she knew who this lady was and what my connection was to her. Who in our area didn't know our connection. This was a small church in a small town. Everyone knew. I was about to be hit in the face by the lady who had entered into adultery with my former husband five years earlier.
At first, I pretended that this act was unintentional. I also pretended that it didn't bother me. As I looked at my friend next to me, I smiled and even laughed a little and continued to sing. But even if it wasn't obvious to anyone seated near me, it must have been obvious to God that I knew this action was intentional and that it did, indeed, bother me a great deal. My less cultured instincts actually wanted to grab her arm and tell her to keep her praise and worship in her own pew. No, I actually wanted to yell at her to cut it out! I wanted to ask what she thought she was doing! I felt so much emotion well up inside of me, I had to hold back the tears. How dare she act that way to me! Finally, the songs ended and her brazen act of territorial strutting ended as well. She had not only known I was there, at her church, but made sure that I noticed her in the most inappropriate way.
I forced myself to focus on my purpose for being there. I gripped the emotions that were streaming out of control, and listened with all my strength to the introduction of the youth minister who was about to speak. I was there so my son to could listen to his youth pastor's farewell sermon. I was there to worship my Lord. I was there to fellowship with other Christians. I was not there to let the actions of anyone else distract me from worshipping my Savior. Least of all, this sinner.
It was then that the pastor's words opened my eyes and my heart. Part way into his sermon, this wonderful young man that had been such a positive influence on my teen son spoke wisely of things God needed for me to hear. I focused on him with all my might. Pastor Joe's message that day spoke of the paralyzed man. He read to us from Mark 2, about the paralyzed man who had been stuck on his mat for his whole life, yet that day had enough hope in Jesus to get up off that mat and walk! Pastor then asked how many of us were still paralyzed? How many of us were still sitting on our mat, paralyzed by our sin or our lack of hope. How many of us failed to have hope in Jesus Christ and couldn't get off our mat. Paralyzed by fear? Paralyzed by the difficulty of the situation? This part of the sermon was scripted for me....I was paralyzed. And even though I loved Jesus Christ with all my heart, I was stuck on my mat.
God had placed this person, this adulteress, this vile woman who had robbed me of my husband and my life, directly in front of me for a reason. You see, I was reminded that I truly had not forgiven this person for her sins against my children and me. I had understood the necessity of forgiveness, understood the semantics of forgiving, but hadn't quite discovered HOW to accomplish this great feat. I had even prayed to the Lord that I didn't know how to forgive her, so would He just hold on to all that emotion and pain for me for a bit since he was bigger and stronger and knew just how to handle it? That's truly where I had stopped in this process called forgiveness. I was stuck on my mat! I wanted to forgive her and forget her! I wanted to close this chapter on my life and move past it for good! But how does a mere mortal person such as myself forgive someone who has stolen my husband, crushed my children, humiliated me in public, threatened me at my place of work, and basically destroyed my life as I knew it? How did I forgive a person who had no remorse, no scruples, and no morals and lived continually in sin? I kept praying and praying for the answer because I was tired of wallowing in my self pity and pain, I was tired of having this loose end to tie up with God. I wanted the closure and peace of mind that would come with heartfelt forgiving.
I dug down to my toes with all my strength and compassion and pleaded with the Lord to give me the strength to do this. To get off my mat and walk in forgiveness like I had never done before. To finally forgive a person who I never thought worthy of my forgiveness. To have enough faith in Jesus, my Lord and Savior, to complete this spiritual walk in my life. To take his hand, get off my mat, and be healed of the paralysis that had crippled me for nearly 5 years.
As the service ended, I tapped the small blond figure on the shoulder. She cocked her head in my direction and peered at me through the corners of her eyes. I took her shoulders in my hands and I said, "I forgive you!" I said it. I said it with conviction and intensity and out of my love for my Savior. I forgave her just as Jesus taught me through His forgiveness of a world of sinners. Sinners like me. I felt such weight leave my shoulders, I felt incredible joy that I had finally accomplished this feat, I gave God the glory for helping me do the impossible.
God wasn't done with this scenario yet. He had one more twist for me...one final test of my ability to finally quit letting this lady control me. Out of her mouth came words that I totally did not expect. I guess I shouldn't have expected her to say, "I am so sorry.", though that is what one does expect when they forgive someone of adultery and husband stealing. Instead, with a gleam in her eye, a purse of her lips, and a flip of her blonde hair she shot out these words, "I forgive YOU, too!"
For a split second, no just a millisecond, I wanted to say, "For what!!!!" But I smiled, told her I was going to continue to pray for her and her family, and walked away. Yes, I knew that technically, she was right; I probably had sinned against her, too, through the course of the years. I know I had experienced feelings of hatred and rage against her and my former husband. But at the time, those were the natural, God created emotions that I should have felt when these events occurred. And these no longer existed. I no longer needed her forgiveness....for I was free. I was finally free to walk off my mat and let loose of a crippling disease that had controlled me for too long. My faith and this eventful day choreographed by God himself, had finally allowed me to get up, pick up my mat, and walk. Walk in faith, walk in love, walk in truth, walk in His light!
We stepped into the sanctuary and looked for a seat. My son pointed to an area behind many of his friends in the center section. There was plenty of room and I sat next to a lady I knew well from my bank. The song service began and I was filled with joy. I really enjoyed the song service at this church. The Youth praise and worship was more contemporary than my home church, so this was an extra special treat with so many wonderful young singers in the praise and worship group. I sang with praise and excitement.
Then it happened. God just thought he'd take full advantage of the moment and force me to step up in my walk of faith. "She" sat right in front of me. Not to the side or even diagonally, but directly in front of me. She did not even give me a glace, but began singing and worshipping with much exuberance. No, she was worshipping with a great deal of flair. No, she was wildly waving her arm right in front of me. No, she was waving her arm and snapping her fingers right under my nose! No, she was swinging her arm right back under my nose and nearly hitting me! I could feel the breeze she was creating as her hand flipped and swung so close to my face I was sure she must have felt my exhalation! She was coming so close to my face that the lady next to me gave me a very wide-eyed look as if she fully expected to see me get popped in the face. She watched as I leaned back several inches to avoid the hand of the lady in front of me. And she knew who this lady was and what my connection was to her. Who in our area didn't know our connection. This was a small church in a small town. Everyone knew. I was about to be hit in the face by the lady who had entered into adultery with my former husband five years earlier.
At first, I pretended that this act was unintentional. I also pretended that it didn't bother me. As I looked at my friend next to me, I smiled and even laughed a little and continued to sing. But even if it wasn't obvious to anyone seated near me, it must have been obvious to God that I knew this action was intentional and that it did, indeed, bother me a great deal. My less cultured instincts actually wanted to grab her arm and tell her to keep her praise and worship in her own pew. No, I actually wanted to yell at her to cut it out! I wanted to ask what she thought she was doing! I felt so much emotion well up inside of me, I had to hold back the tears. How dare she act that way to me! Finally, the songs ended and her brazen act of territorial strutting ended as well. She had not only known I was there, at her church, but made sure that I noticed her in the most inappropriate way.
I forced myself to focus on my purpose for being there. I gripped the emotions that were streaming out of control, and listened with all my strength to the introduction of the youth minister who was about to speak. I was there so my son to could listen to his youth pastor's farewell sermon. I was there to worship my Lord. I was there to fellowship with other Christians. I was not there to let the actions of anyone else distract me from worshipping my Savior. Least of all, this sinner.
It was then that the pastor's words opened my eyes and my heart. Part way into his sermon, this wonderful young man that had been such a positive influence on my teen son spoke wisely of things God needed for me to hear. I focused on him with all my might. Pastor Joe's message that day spoke of the paralyzed man. He read to us from Mark 2, about the paralyzed man who had been stuck on his mat for his whole life, yet that day had enough hope in Jesus to get up off that mat and walk! Pastor then asked how many of us were still paralyzed? How many of us were still sitting on our mat, paralyzed by our sin or our lack of hope. How many of us failed to have hope in Jesus Christ and couldn't get off our mat. Paralyzed by fear? Paralyzed by the difficulty of the situation? This part of the sermon was scripted for me....I was paralyzed. And even though I loved Jesus Christ with all my heart, I was stuck on my mat.
God had placed this person, this adulteress, this vile woman who had robbed me of my husband and my life, directly in front of me for a reason. You see, I was reminded that I truly had not forgiven this person for her sins against my children and me. I had understood the necessity of forgiveness, understood the semantics of forgiving, but hadn't quite discovered HOW to accomplish this great feat. I had even prayed to the Lord that I didn't know how to forgive her, so would He just hold on to all that emotion and pain for me for a bit since he was bigger and stronger and knew just how to handle it? That's truly where I had stopped in this process called forgiveness. I was stuck on my mat! I wanted to forgive her and forget her! I wanted to close this chapter on my life and move past it for good! But how does a mere mortal person such as myself forgive someone who has stolen my husband, crushed my children, humiliated me in public, threatened me at my place of work, and basically destroyed my life as I knew it? How did I forgive a person who had no remorse, no scruples, and no morals and lived continually in sin? I kept praying and praying for the answer because I was tired of wallowing in my self pity and pain, I was tired of having this loose end to tie up with God. I wanted the closure and peace of mind that would come with heartfelt forgiving.
I dug down to my toes with all my strength and compassion and pleaded with the Lord to give me the strength to do this. To get off my mat and walk in forgiveness like I had never done before. To finally forgive a person who I never thought worthy of my forgiveness. To have enough faith in Jesus, my Lord and Savior, to complete this spiritual walk in my life. To take his hand, get off my mat, and be healed of the paralysis that had crippled me for nearly 5 years.
As the service ended, I tapped the small blond figure on the shoulder. She cocked her head in my direction and peered at me through the corners of her eyes. I took her shoulders in my hands and I said, "I forgive you!" I said it. I said it with conviction and intensity and out of my love for my Savior. I forgave her just as Jesus taught me through His forgiveness of a world of sinners. Sinners like me. I felt such weight leave my shoulders, I felt incredible joy that I had finally accomplished this feat, I gave God the glory for helping me do the impossible.
God wasn't done with this scenario yet. He had one more twist for me...one final test of my ability to finally quit letting this lady control me. Out of her mouth came words that I totally did not expect. I guess I shouldn't have expected her to say, "I am so sorry.", though that is what one does expect when they forgive someone of adultery and husband stealing. Instead, with a gleam in her eye, a purse of her lips, and a flip of her blonde hair she shot out these words, "I forgive YOU, too!"
For a split second, no just a millisecond, I wanted to say, "For what!!!!" But I smiled, told her I was going to continue to pray for her and her family, and walked away. Yes, I knew that technically, she was right; I probably had sinned against her, too, through the course of the years. I know I had experienced feelings of hatred and rage against her and my former husband. But at the time, those were the natural, God created emotions that I should have felt when these events occurred. And these no longer existed. I no longer needed her forgiveness....for I was free. I was finally free to walk off my mat and let loose of a crippling disease that had controlled me for too long. My faith and this eventful day choreographed by God himself, had finally allowed me to get up, pick up my mat, and walk. Walk in faith, walk in love, walk in truth, walk in His light!
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